I flushed my Keys Down the Toilet

No, the title is not a clever trick I devised to get people to read my blog. I really did flush my keys down the toilet. No, this is not an interesting story about me meeting a famous dignitary such as Madeline Albright or Cuauhtémoc Cárdenas; it truly is the story of how I flushed my keys down the toilet.

So last night at around 11 p.m. my roommates and I decided to go play basketball at the old gym. My roommate Miguel works in the gym so we get full access to the facilities after 11. Anyway, I decided to take my cell phone, a couple of dollars (for Gatorade etc.) and my house keys. Since I was running a little late, I decided not to go at home and hold it until I got to the gym, bad idea.

So anyway, I'm sure you just want to know how the hell I flushed them down the toilet. I mean, how can someone be so stupid, right? Okay, here goes. Whenever I play basketball I always wear my UCSB hooded sweater, it has a big front pocket where I put my belongings when I play. Anyway, so I got to the bathroom and start pissing in one of the normal stalls, not the urinals, I don't know why, don't ask. The first thing that came to mid when I saw the toilet was dang that's gross. The toilet was filled with yellow water and toilet paper, it seems someone else had used the toilet earlier and forgot to flush. Being nothing out of the ordinary in a men's bathroom I ignored it and went about my business.

As I finished my business I decided that I was not about to touch the flush handle with my hands. Like many other times, I decided to use my foot to push the handle and flush the toilet. As I lifted my foot to flush the toilet, my big sweater pocket opened up and my phone and keys fell out of my pocket. I still remember it all as if it was in slow motion. I managed to slap my cell phone from falling into the water, but as I tried to contemplate what had just happened I realized that my keys did fall into the toilet and that I had, in fact, flushed the damned thing. Being an industrial sized toilet, not uncommon in gymnasiums or other public places, the toilet had a strong flush. I managed to get a glimpse of my keys and without hesitation I put my hand in the flushing toilet. I almost had my keys. I missed them by several milliseconds. All I had was a hand full of yellow toilet paper to show for my efforts.

I was so embarrassed and amazed at what had just happened. I wasn't even mad, I was impressed. I never thought something like that could happen to me. In total, I lost my brand new 1 GB jump drive, I had just bought it Sunday night. Megan's spare car key, my apt keys, my bike key, several other small keys, and Gerry and Bob's key (they live in DC good luck making a duplicate). At the very minimum, that flush cost me a good $50, at most it cost me several years of key collecting.

Before you begin to laugh at my misfortunes just remember, life throws many unexpected things at you. Just when you think you have the rights keys to your life in your hand, you often end up with nothing but a wad of nasty yellow toilet paper to show for it. And if you're lucky, a good story to go along with it.